The Thanksgiving Feast

This time a year is always my favorite time to eat, like it is for most people.

A few years ago I went to an ENT Doc in Austin. He sent me over to an all night sleep clinic. After doing the sleep study and every thing else I could do in hopes of getting a full nights sleep, this guy wanted me to wear a CPAP mask while I sleep. I just couldn’t see that ever happening. So I decided his second option may work into my overall plan better.

He said he could go in and snip my uvula off and that should clear up the problem. I’m not sure if I had any idea what was involved. I’m not really into asking a lot of questions so we just scheduled this procedure for the next Tuesday, which was 2 days before Thanksgiving.

When I got home and told Madeline what was up, she ask me if I had really thought this out carefully. I explained to her that it was just a simple procedure. I likened it, being a snip job, to having a vasectomy on my throat. I have friends that have had vasectomy’s and they explained that they feel a little pain and then walk a little funny for a day or two, then all goes back to normal. Me having a high tolerance for pain (this may draw a raised eyebrow from my wife) I figured if he did the snip job Tuesday morning, I’d be good to go by Thursday at noon. I could enjoy turkey and dressing with cranberry sauce. I love my wife’s dressing more than just about anything.

I think I’d had underestimated what this doctor was going to do, because I didn’t even get out of the hospital until late on Wednesday. But I wasn’t feeling much pain at all. That wasn’t the story I’d be telling the next morning. That doctor had performed a major mutilation to my uvula and my whole throat. There was a circle of stitches completely around the top end of my guzzler. I had a really bad sore throat, if you get what I mean.

The instructions were to not swallow anything for a day or two and then I could “try” liquids after that. I don’t think I was able to eat solid food by Christmas Dinner, much less Thanksgiving.

Funny thing is, it didn’t make sleeping any better. I’m still awake at all hours of the night. A creature of habit I guess. But everyone in the house with me sleeps better because once you have that surgery you are not likely to snore ever again.

I’m sure glad that surgeon that performed the work on me doesn’t do work that is visible. While his “snip job” worked it sure does look awful. It has the appearance that he used a miniature chainsaw on the back of my throat.

If you want to see it, just ask me next time I see you and I’ll show you the horrible looking mess he left in the back of my mouth.

I’d post a picture, but it may ruin someone’s Thanksgiving Dinner.

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