Let me start out by telling you all that I’m a restless sleeper. I’m up and down and all around the whole night long. I’ve gone through a lot of different mattresses, pillows and just about everything ever invented to help an old boy get a good nights sleep.

I bought one of those beds that each end jacks up and down and vibrates. Then I’ve gone thru several different mattresses but finally found one that seems to work better than the others. If I remember correctly I paid about $3600 for it. And it’s just a queen size.

BTW: My wife and I decided several years ago that if either one of us was ever going to get any rest I was going to need to go make the spare bedroom my very own. Don’t get any ideas like the spark has left the marriage. Okay I admit that it’s not a spark 🔥 like it once was, but we can makes the old fire smolder and work up to a flash fire often enough. Well almost anyway.

Okay now back to the bed and mattress situation. Once you jack that bed up and down a few times the sheets pop off. And yes I’ve tried deeper pocketed sheets, super deeper pocket sheets and mega deep pocket sheets. I’ve fought those fitted sheets every way imaginable. I finally attached enough of those garter belt looking straps to that bottom sheet that it works fairly well. Except it’s a nightmare getting them all on each time I wash the sheets. But I have a system worked out, but when my wife decides to give me a special treat (don’t even go there) and washes my sheets for me, she won’t even try to figure out the contraption I have crisscrossed and back and forth under that mattress.

I’m getting a little sick of it myself, so I ran across these sheets that sack the mattress up with a top and bottom and zippers all the way around. Seems pretty clever. When you get them on, they sure as heck shouldn’t pop off, right.

They were pretty pricey, but you only live once as they say, so I splurged. Amazon dropped them off yesterday so I gave them a good washing and decided to wait until this morning to put them on.

I am alone here at the house this morning so I thought it seemed like a great time to try out that new bottom sheet while I ran the other bed lining through the washing machine.

I got in there and started trying to figure out the best way to go about sacking up my mattress in this sack sheet. I wrestled and tugged and pulled every which way. Then I figured out I was putting it on the wrong direction. So I started over. Now I’m to a point with this project that I beginning to feel like a Rodeo Queen trying to get in those tight britches that are 3 or 4 sizes too small. (I admit they sure look good once they are in them)

Any way I guess I’m hoping that when I get so more help around here that I’ll be able to finish dressing my bed.

This whole experience has taught me that perhaps men weren’t ever suppose to be domesticated.

But I already know that my wife is not going to be changing out this bottom bed sack sheet thing for me.

She will just tell me to use some regular sheets like the rest of the world “and lay down and be still and they won’t be popping off”.