Impersonating My Brother

For years Kenny and I sounded amazingly alike on the phone. We both have what I guess is a distinct Smithwick accent.

I’m doubtful that Kenny ever took advantage of that. My wife admits to getting us confused a few times. Maybe she or Kenny can tell us if any of those conversations ever went hay-wire. If they did, I never heard about it.

On the other hand, I can’t tell you how much confusion I caused by letting different ones think they were talking to Kenny when I was the one they were actually talking to.

Our Grannie Ruby was easy. All I’d have to say is “Grannie has Karen been by today?” With that I had planted the seed that it must be Kenny. Ronnie wouldn’t be asking about Karen, of all people. I’d lead the poor woman down the path of confusion that may take Kenny days to straighten out.

But the fun was when I’d be riding with Kenny, which in our adult lives, meant that Kenny……..”I got to run in here for a second – and then come out a half hour later”. Oh that was a one way street with him. In this regard if the shoe was on the other foot, he’d be in where is was in about minute or two, checking to see why I was taking so long. You just can’t believe the impatience there is in that boy. He doesn’t deny this fact.

I always enjoyed waiting on him because if the phone rang, and it did a lot back in those days. That was a time back before cell phones. We only had mobile phones installed in our pickups. I’d pick it up and start talking. We were competitors most of the time in those days, so I could get a lead on a project or see who he’d pissed off lately.

It’s easier getting your butt chewed on if you are a proxy for someone else. So I could sit and listen. If it ever got into too dangerous territory, I would simply interrupt and explain that they have the wrong Lewis and would need to call back a little later.

The real jewels of conversations was when those girlfriends would call. He always had girlfriends calling. He was divorced and running wild and free. I’ve been hit on, talked dirty to and I think even proposed to. One thing about it, it was never a boring conversation. The only hard part was deciding when to cut the conversation short or if Kenny happened to get back to the truck before the phone call climaxed.

Of course Kenny would always tell them they had been had, instead of leaving the poor gals with a little dignity.

There are a couple of girls I remember that wouldn’t come around if they knew I was going to be, there, after of those steamy conversation had taken place.

But me being the gentleman I am, I won’t mention names now.

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