I KNEW ONE DAY WE COULD GET OLD KENNY WOUND UP. It took a little while after we got The Angora Chronicle up and running, but finally he cut loose and told us some of his famous wife stories.
Wife To The Rescue – Part 1
For those that are not aware, I have been married three times. Even though I’m sure, had I ever gotten into a situation where I needed help in my defense, Karen would have been there, it just never came up. Shirley was my second wife. Many years ago we were at a Jackpot steer wrestling contest that Todd Fox put on in conjunction with the Austin Rodeo. Todd had also arranged for a band to play next door at the “Little Bit of Texas” dance hall. There were several of us sitting at a table with a man that no one knew. As the night went on the stranger became more offensive and I became more bullet proof. I’m sure you all know what came next. We squared off on the dance floor. That was when I realized how big this guy was. Before I had a chance to talk my way out of the situation, this big son of a gun hit me so hard it knocked me clear to the other side of the dance floor. I remember raising up and seeing the guy on his knees with blood running out of his ears. I thought “Man, this guy hit me so hard; it busted his ear drums”. That wasn’t exactly what happened. The exact second he hit me, Shirley hit him in the top of the head with a half gallon glass Vodka bottle. That brought the Giant to his knees. From there he went face first and out like a light. Todd and Jason Cooper drug him out by his heels and we did a little dance on his hat.
Wife To The Rescue – Part 2
Things didn’t work out with Shirley and I. Later I married my present day wife, her name is Carol. She is a tiny woman 5’2” and weighs around 105 lbs. We are in the construction business together and have been for many .years. She goes to the office everyday and manages the financial affairs.
Over the years for the most part we have had very good employees and a number of them have worked for us for more than 30 years. However occasionally you get people working for you that are not honest. On a particular occasion a new guy was seen by other employees stealing sprinkler heads we had just installed. I decided to hold his final paycheck until he came to the office and settled the affair of the missing sprinkler heads. That happened the following Friday afternoon. I laid his paycheck in the middle of my desk in open site. I gave the front desk instructions to send him back to my office when he got there, soon after there was a knock at the door. The young man came in and I ask him to sit down.
The subject came up about the sprinklers and he insisted he had not stolen the sprinkler heads. My information had come from some of those very reliable older employees, so there was no doubt in my mind he was guilty. I explained to him that he would not get his check until he returned the stolen property. This prompted the young man to jump up and reach for the
Check. As he did, I grabbed his arm and drug him across the desk. I virtually had the best of him from the start and felt like everything was going my way, since I was on top. All of this was making quite a commotion and Carols office is next to mine. Suddenly the door springs open and Carol flies across the room, pushing me off of the thief. Then begins to flog him with every ounce of energy she has. Luckily he manages to get up and run down the hall with her chasing him and screaming at the top of her voice, out of the office and in to the parking lot. I was so stunned I just sat there listening to them as they ran down the hallway.
Now even though I didn’t marry either one of them for their defense skills, tell me how many guys marry a woman to insure his safety, much less get two of them in one lifetime. I’m one lucky guy.
By posting this next story from Kenny Lewis, It will complete the “Kenny Having Wives Watch His Back – Trifecta”.
I should hold this story ransom, releasing it only after a certain number of books sell, but it’s really to good to hold on too.
Wife To The Rescue – Part 3
No one likes telling stories where they absolutely didn’t come out the winner. However it seems simpler to get this one last story out and finished, to complete as Ronnie calls it the fight Trifecta. This will be the last one. I want everyone to understand that I am not a fighter by nature, as Ronnie has said earlier we made a pact that we would never let ourselves be intimidated by someone by backing down from an altercation. Shirley (2nd wife) and I had been driving from Guthrie Oklahoma for about seven hours and had reached SH 29 just west of Georgetown. We were driving a Crew Cab Ford pulling a horse trailer, when we pulled up behind a small car in the fast lane that refused to move over and let us by. Some what agitated I proceeded to pass on the right side. As I got beside them, I gave them a stern look. They returned the gesture with the use of their middle finger in the air and a motion to pull over. I did exactly that. Before I could get out of the door, this guy was standing there bouncing around with both fists in the air. That probably should have been an indication that he had some sort training in the boxing world. If not, the fact that he hit me three times before I could get my hands up did. I did not know that a black eye could swell shut in a matter of seconds. I soon decided the only way to get this scrimmage going any way what so ever my direction was to get a hold of him and I did exactly that. Soon enough we were on the ground and cars passing by were starting to build quite an audience. We rolled around on the ground until we worked our way up under the tongue of the trailer. Shirley to the rescue. We were so jammed up under the trailer that neither of us was able to do much of anything, until Shirley starts kicking this guy in the ribs. That prompted his wife to grab Shirley by the hair and that started a completely new fight. As best memory serves me, I think we all were so tired that we limped back to our vehicles and went our separate ways.